Never Always

did you hear about the last time I got high?  

We (me, Brian, Justin maybe another 2 or 3) were sitting around, playing darts, drinking beers.  Sahm pulls out this nug thats been sitting around since his brother was here.  Justin smokes a little.  I take one hit--already had bout 5-6 beers, don't get high at all, just buzzed from the beers.  Then I start nibbling the bud. Have a few more beers and go to bed.  Gotta work in the morning.  Well, I start having kind of weird dreams, and then a little bit of a stomach ache.  Check the clock, its like 4:15 am, and I have to get up at 5 or 5:15.  I'm just laying there, thinking the stomach ache is from being hungry (you know, in the morning, empty stomach acid etc.).  Suddenly, I have like a profound awareness of my insides.  I start having really weird thoughts.  My mouth is dry.  I start bugging out almost.  Can no longer stay still in bed, get up, look in the mirror and yup---stoned.  Eyes are red and glassy, cotton mouth, the whole panoply.  Its kind of a relief to realize its the weed and that I'm not going crazy for no reason.  

But then I start going crazy anyway.  I turn the shower on and pound a beer thinking maybe that'll chill me out.  NOPE.  Full-on re-evaluating life, god/the devil, good and evil (remember the scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?) stoned think session.  NOT FUN.  This was about a month or 6 weeks ago so maybe it was between Tricia, thinking of moving, being broke and having to WORK in a half hour, so all that stress or something, but man, I was bugging the fuck out.  Drove down to work super early.  Driving was an adventure, like piloting a rocket ship in turbulence.  Luckily no one was on the road.  My speedometer wasn't working so I had no idea if I was going like 15 or 85 miles an hour.  Tommy Boy? I get there early and good thing because everything is taking me a looooong, time or so it seems.  Unzipping the cabin door is like shinto ritual or something.  Many many steps.  Then Capt. Fish gets down there and since we're friends I'm thinking maybe this'll chill me out.  NOPE.  all paranoid.  All the sudden he's like "Yo, are you supposed to be working?"  And I'm thought he meant like I wasn't working hard and I'm thinking, "I must be moving really slow or something" and he goes "cause Danielle is here, she's supposed to be working today."  I fucking bolted out of there.  Was still crazy for another 2 hours in bed though!  Whew!  I think maybe I ate alot of it and it just took a long time to kick in or something.  Intense as hell.  I'm scared to try it again.  This from the guy who used to go to "parties" where we would just smoke bong hits for hours on end.  I remember taking 10 2-foot bong hits in a row before GOING to a party--and having a good social time.  How is that possible? 

But even a bad trip like I had is probably good to do once in a while.  Like from Flannery O'Connor's story "A Good Man is Hard to Find"--some people would be good if there was someone there to shoot her every minute of their life--or have bad trips once in awhile.  

Next stop, Pure MDMA, toot toot.